Saturday, February 14, 2009
Do These Earbuds Make My Ears Look Fat?
I know it's all trendy and hip to wear earbuds these days. I don't really get the attraction. They remind me of the hearing aids my grandmother used to wear, the kind that would screech incessantly--"Grandma. Grandma! Your hearing aids! Turn them down! No, I don't want any more Kool-Aid. HEARING AIDS! HEARING AIDS!!"--driving me to distraction while Grandma seized the opportunity to cheat during our poker games.
She never let me win, God bless her.
Personally I think it's yet another marketing ploy by Apple. I mean, who wants to share earbuds? It's one thing to share your traditional, external headphones with other people, but who wants to swap ear jelly with other 'bud users? Fricking gross, dude. It's an issue of hygiene--everyone should purchase their own pair.
It's also an issue of expense. You can get those amazing, noise-cancelling headsets from Bose, which are enormous and tagged with an even heftier price. Or you're like me, stuck buying the seven dollar earbuds every few months after your cat goes into attack mode, cutting the wire like she's dismantling the atomic bomb.
The most disturbing discovery I've made, however, is the "one size fits all" attitude of Apple and all of its generic counterparts. Ears come in all shapes and sizes. Why discriminate against the husky ear?
I suppose I'll just say it: my name is Jennicki, and I have full-figured ears. It's startling to me, although I guess I should've seen it coming. I never wiggled them as a child, and I suppose the lack of exercise contributed to the problem, though I strongly believe it's genetics that played a part. Maybe it's my thyroid. I don't know.
When I started wearing the dreaded 'buds, I noticed they didn't fit very well, a little too snug in the ears. They were constantly falling out, and it's made my exercising and couch potato time very trying. I kept thinking if only my ears were thinner, if only I could just lose a few more ounces around the lobes, maybe they would fit better.
But you know what? I am so over feeling bad about my ears. Society dictates that ears should be skinny and perfectly shaped to fit the earbuds. Well I say society can shove earwax up its canal! Apple should make 'buds to accommodate all sizes, including the plus-size ear!
My ears are curvy and womanly! I bet Marilyn Monroe couldn't fit earbuds properly in her ears either. It was another era then.
No more shame over your large ears. Remember next time you're trying to put earbuds in--it's more cushion for the pushin', baby.
Posted by Jennicki